"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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