Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
