if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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