It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
