it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
