Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
