I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
