I feel great
I just peed on a car
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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