your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I could make wine with my vomit
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
