I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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