Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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