I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
