Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm at about main and main street
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
