I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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