Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
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i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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