I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
