he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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