i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
