We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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