So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
