New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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