if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
