What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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