Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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