am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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