I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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