i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
