hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
