Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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