i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
