When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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