PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
