remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
