There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My dick has a subreddit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
