Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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