I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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