I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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