Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
