A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
