but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
