Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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