I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
