I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
