Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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