Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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