This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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