Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Randomize
