it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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