i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
