Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
