you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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