i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize