I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
