Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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