Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
