In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
