just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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