i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I looked at my own cervix.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
