Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
