Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
