he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
