3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm way too hungover for life right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
