I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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