Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
