Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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