she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
