i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
